No parenting book will ever prepare you for the sheer terror of sitting in the passenger seat of your car with your teenage son or daughter behind the wheel for the first time.

A few years before our son would sit in that enviable seat, he asked me why I sometimes waited for a car to go by before I turned, and other times I didn’t. I explained that the longer you drive the more you learn to judge the speed of the car, the road conditions—all that wise driving advice. Advice that came to fruition when he did have his learner’s permit and uttered what has now become a family classic, “You know, I’d be a good driver except for that judgment thing.”

And I’d be a good Christian except for that judgment thing.

The online dictionary defines judgment as an opinion or decision that is based on careful thought. All is well until I take a thoughtful and careful look at my heart, and see a mixed bag of judgments, with most of them being of the “snap” kind. A driver waits till the last minute to merge to one lane. “Can’t they read? Lane. Narrows. Merge. Left.” A news notification pops up, and in the brief time that it’s on my screen, I pass judgment on the entire world. A neighbor’s yard is overgrown, and the trash bins sit in front of the garage. Fortunately, I don’t have to pass judgment on this one; I can call the Village of Winfield for this gross miscarriage of home ownership.

Just yesterday, the New York Times posted an article by Jancee Dunn, “How to Stop Being So Judgy.” Wrote Dunn, “We pass judgment all the time, and sometimes we don’t realize we’ve done it. Research suggests that when people see a new face, their brains decide whether that person is attractive and trustworthy within one-tenth of a second.” That’s impressive timing for spotting a speck in someone’s eye.

Dunn turned to experts for advice on how to catch yourself from being overly judgmental. Their advice: Notice when you’re judging (one expert said it might require a “vigilant eye”); explore your reaction; and swap judgment for curiosity and empathy.

God’s Word has a different take on this expert advice.

In Matthew 7:1-5, Jesus painted a ludicrous picture of the vigilant eye. “Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye?” (vv. 3-4)

Even the most vigilant eye has a hard time seeing beyond its own log, which makes it easy to justify self-focused reactions. In Matthew 7:5, Jesus spoke to the heart of the matter, “You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.”

While experts advise swapping judgment for curiosity and empathy, God’s Word calls to a new way of judging and discerning that is infused with wisdom from above that is “first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere.” (James 3:18)

This wisdom is shaped by gospel mercy and embedded in the Word that not only became flesh and was filled with grace and truth but also became sin for us so that we might become the righteousness of God, no longer under judgment but under mercy and grace.